


My Promise To You

by boltschick2612



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Established Relationship, M/M, Tampa Bay Lightning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-06
Updated: 2013-01-06
Packaged: 2017-11-23 23:08:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/627525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boltschick2612/pseuds/boltschick2612
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things get complicated when someone discovers they weren't as ready to be in a relationship as they thought they were.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Promise To You

**Author's Note:**

> Written last off-season when Teddy's contract was going through arbitration. Story not true.

Physically, Teddy Purcell was on the ice at the St.Pete Times Forum, but mentally he was miles away. He was deep in thought about what had happened the last time  _he_  was with him. A voice broke through his thoughts.  
  
"Bugsy, is that your game speed? Because if it is, tell me now and I'll put someone else in!" 

The voice belonged to Guy Boucher, the team's coach.The team was in the middle of a tense practice, and there had been a lot of those kinds of practices lately. The Lightning were off to a horrible start of the season, 1-3-1, to be exact, and that wasn't referring to their system of play for once. A lot of the guys had been playing very distracted lately, Teddy included, and from the sounds of it, Bugsy was having a hard time with things too. In Teddy's case, the cause of his distraction was right there. On the ice with him day after day, and sometimes even on the same line. He was so close, yet so far away.  
  
It was actually a good thing that Boucher's voice brought Teddy out of his daze and back to where he was, because he was seconds away from plowing into Dominic Moore. He dodged out of the way at the last minute, but his skate still got caught on Dominic's and Teddy fell face forward on the ice.  
  
"Oh shit, man! Are you alright?" Dominic asked, looking down at Teddy concerned. Teddy simply looked up from the ice, his eyes as blank as his face.  
  
"Yeah, sorry. Guess I should keep my head up."  
  
But the truth of the matter was that Teddy wasn't ok, but it wasn't from the spill he just took. He peeled himself up off the ice and limped towards the locker room.  
  
                                                                                                        -X-  
  


Teddy had been in the locker room shower long enough for the hot water to run out and turn ice cold, but he hadn't noticed. He was thinking about what led to all this.....

                                                                                                        -X-  
  
It all started about 6am on a Monday morning, about a week prior to the practice where Teddy's distractions caused him to tumble face first onto the ice. The sun was streaming through the window and right into Teddy's eyes, waking him up. He rolled over to face away from the sun and discovered he wasn't alone in bed. He has almost forgotten that Nate had stayed after their game against the Sabres last night. Nate staying the night was nothing out if the ordinary, that's what people usually do when they're in a relationship. What was abnormal was the fact that Nate was still in bed. Usually by this time he's awake and getting ready to go to the rink, weither it's a practice day or not.

"Good Morning!" Teddy chirped, gently prodding at Nate's calf with his toe, trying to wake him up.  
  
Nate rolled over and rubbed his eyes, letting out a less than enthusiastic sigh before grumbling the greeting that he knew Teddy was waiting for. "Morning."  
  
They both lay there for a moment and tried to wake up, stretching. Teddy was the first one to really move, scooting closer to Nate and laying his hand on his bare chest. He leaned forward and planted a kiss on Nate's cheek before moving the hand that was on his chest down to his waist, and under the covers. Teddy's hand was almost to it's intended destination when Nate stopped him, both with his hand and with his words.  
  
"Teds, don't."  
  
"What, too early? That _is_ why you're still in bed, isn't it?" Teddy asked, smiling.  
  
"No, it's just that......." Nate started while sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.  
  
"What?" Teddy asked, sitting up, copying Nate's move.  
  
"I don't think we should do this anymore," Nate said after letting out a heavy sigh. Teddy's attention was fully piqued.  
  
"Exactly what is it that you think we shouldn't do?" Teddy asked, already going on the defensive.  
  
"This...this relationship...it's not..it's not like me," Nate said, choking on his words.  
  
"What you mean to say is that it's like me...gay...is that it?" Teddy said, now fully on his guard. "I don't know if you know this, but being with a man for the past year is the definition of the word.

Nate sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to gain some mental clarity and buy a few seconds to decide if this was really what he wanted to do.  
  
"I'm not trying to hurt you Ted. I thought this was something I could do, I thought how much I cared about you would out weigh everything else but...." Nate couldn't complete his sentence, what he was doing to Teddy was breaking his heart.  
  
"Why are you doing this now? Why did you sleep with me last night if you knew you were going to be doing this? Why did you even start a relationship with me?" The questions poured out of Teddy so fast that Nate almost didn't catch them all. Teddy couldn't even believe what was happening right now.  
  
"Like I said, I cared.... _care_....about you," Nate explained gently, choosing his words carefully, and that was the truth. He deeply cared for the man that had been his close friend for about 3 months before the night that made them lovers.  
  
"Are you scared? are you scared people might find out? What they'll think? Because as far as the team goes, I'm sure they've figured it out" Teddy said, his mind reeling over the course of events that were taking place in his bedroom.  
  
"You're not going to change my mind Teds. I'm going to let myself out," Nate said as he got up and started collecting his clothes up off the floor where they had been so haphazardly discarded the night before during their fit of passion. He was already out the door and in his car before Teddy could move again.  
  


                                                                                                       -X-

Teddy finally noticed that the water in the shower was running cold and wondered how long he's been in the shower. He got out, toweled off, and went to his stall to get dressed.  He had been in there so long that everyone had already gone home. Why hadn't anybody said anything to him? Would he have even noticed if they did?

  
                                                                                                        -X-  
  
Teddy lay face up in his bed, staring at the ceiling. It was 3:35am and he had been trying to sleep since 10pm. He had never been ashamed of who he was or who he loved, but Nate had made him feel ashamed about both those things now. He really thought that Nate might love him. He knew that he was the first man that Nate had ever been with, but right now he felt less like someone that was loved and more like an experiment. He found himself thinking back to the first time Nate and him went from friends to more than that,  and how it was actually Nate that initiated it.

                                                                                                       -X-  
  


The car pulled up into the driveway, it felt good to be home. Nate and Teddy were just getting back from a trip they had made to Nashville during the summer. They drove all day and had just gotten back at 3am.They went to Teddy's house first, Nate was just going to drop him off and then head home.The two had become good friends soon after they both signed to Tampa in 2010 and decided to make a road trip during the off season.  
  
Teddy opened his car door and went around the the rear door on Nate's side, where his bags were stored. Nate also got out of the car and went to the back where Teddy was unloading the bags. He was standing in the open door of the car, and Nate was standing behind him. Teddy was reaching for a bag when he felt Nate's hand on his shoulder, pushing him face down into the car's upholstery. He turns he head to the side, as much as he can anyways, and starts to say something when he feels the weight of Nate's body laying on top of him. Nate starts kissing the back of his neck then shifts his weight off of Teddy, and back onto his knees, so that he's crouching behind him. He lifts up the back of Teddy's shirt and starts planting kisses along his spine, starting at the waist band of his jeans and working his way back up until he's at Teddy's neck again. Each kiss from Nate sent shivers through Teddy and made his heart rate sky rocket. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears.  
  
  
Teddy felt the weight of Nate's body on top of him again and found that between his racing heart and being face down in the seat of the car, it was a little hard to breath. He wouldn't have it any other way. Nate's mouth was right by Teddy's ear when he reached down to cram his hand between Teddy's body and the car seat. Nate's hand had found the button on Teddy's jeans before he paused and whispered into Teddy's ear.  
  
"Do you want me to stop?"  
  
"No," Teddy rasped.  
  
"Do you want to go inside?" Teddy could feel Nate's breath on his cheek as he said this.  
  
"Yes"  
  
  
  
                                                                                                    -X-  
  
  


Teddy was still staring at the ceiling, at a loss as to what to do about his situation. Nate had pretty much been ignoring Teddy ever since the day he left Teddy alone in his apartment. He did say whatever was necessary to make their working relationship work, the occasional praise on a good shift on the ice, or a congratulations on a goal scored. But outside of that, there was no interaction with Nate and it certainly wasn't Teddy's choice. There was only one solution Teddy could think of, but something had to be done because Teddy could NOT go on living life the way it was now. He didn't like the solution, he loved the life he had made for himself here in Tampa, but he didn't see any other choice.

Across town, Nate was doing the same thing Teddy was. Laying in bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to sleep.He couldn't believe what he had done to Teddy a week prior. Teddy was right, he was scared. Not just of what people would think and being labeled, but it was a realization that Nate recently came to that scared him the most.

He loved Teddy, with all his heart. And that scared him senseless. He was on the verge of throwing up the entire time he was leaving Teddy, and has been physically ill every day since. What the hell was wrong with him? The best thing that ever happened to him, and he was pushing it away because he was scared. Now it wasn't the thought of being without Teddy that was making Nate sick, it was the thought that he was letting a completely irrational fear dictate his actions. He remembered the first time he came to the realization that he wanted their relationship to be more than just the extremely close friendship that it already was.  
  
  
                                                                                                         -X-  
  
  
They were on a drive back from Nashville, they had decided to go there just for fun during the offseason. The offseason wasn't very long because for the first time in either of their careers, they were playing hockey all the way until almost June thanks to a very successful playoff run that stopped just short of the Stanley Cup Final . Being that, they weren't in Nashville very long but the whole time they were, Nate found himself falling for Teddy a little more each day. At first, Nate just chalked it up to being stuck with the same person for 3 days. It was the car ride home that solidified the fact in Nate's mind what was happening, and he couldn't fight it. He was falling for him. Teddy was tired, as to be expected when someone has been driving for nearly 6 hours straight.  
  
  
"Hey Thommers, mind if we switch driving duties here in a little bit? I don't know how much longer I can stay awake," Teddy asked before letting out a yawn. He moved his hand to cover his mouth and then raised the hand high in the air while stretching. He then brought his arm back down, but instead of just leaving his arm down by his side, he draped it over the back of Nate's seat. As he did this, his fingers accidentally brushed the back of Nate's neck, sending shivers all through his body. He then squeezed Nate's shoulder, this time on purpose and instead of shivers, Teddy's touch sent bolts of electricity through Nate.  
  
"Hey, you awake? did you hear what I said?" Teddy asked, not looking over to Nate, not wanting to take his eyes off the road. If he had fixed his eyes on Nate, he would have been the goosebumps that had broken out all over Nate's arms.

  
"Yeah, sorry. I'm awake. We can switch at the next exit." Nate's mind was preoccupied by what Teddy was doing to him. The fact that his very touch could illicit such a reaction from Nate. They pulled off at the next exit, as promised, and switched seats. Nate spent the rest of the drive home deep in thought and listening to the sounds of Teddy breathing as he slept in the passenger seat. Nate thought, and Teddy slept. Until they finally made it home, that is.....

 

                                                                                                          -X-

  
Teddy awoke the next morning around 7am. His hand went straight to the empty side of the bed that Nate usually occupied. Those days were over, and Teddy wasn't sure if he could ever forgive Nate for sleeping with him, all the while knowing that he would be ending their relationship that next morning. Teddy's mind was filled with a million thoughts, all questions with no answers. Was Nate planning out the words he was going to use to break up with Teddy at the same time he was kissing him, moving his tongue past his lips and into his mouth? While he was running his hands down his back? Circling his hands around to the front of him to undo his dress pants? Laying on top of him in the same bed he would later break up with him in, kissing his mouth, his neck, and his chest before going lower?  
  
How long had he felt like this? Felt ashamed of Teddy, and his relationship with him? How many times did he fuck him while planning his escape before he finally had the courage to actually do it?  
  
Teddy wondered if anything Nate ever said was true. Did he really feel that he had enough feelings to sustain a relationship with another man, even though it was something he had never done before? Does he really still care for him? Teddy knew Nate said that he didn't want to hurt him, but that didn't change the fact that that's exactly what he had done.  
  
All these questions were causing Teddy to lay awake, unable to sleep as his heart pounded and breath caught in his throat. Now it was his turn to be physically ill. He jumped out of bed, but instead of running to the bathroom as planned, he ended up crumbled on the floor. His face buried on the soft rug, the same way it had been buried in the car's upholstery on that night a year ago.  
  
He had been laying there for a few minutes when he noticed a folded up piece of paper under the bed. Teddy reached his arm under the bed to retrieve it, but it was just barely out of his reach. It was actually closer to the side of the bed that Teddy had, and probably always would, consider Nate's side.  
  
Teddy crawled around to that side of the bed on his hands and knees and retrieved the piece of paper. He unfolded it, wondering how it got under the bed and how long it had been there. It was obvious that it had been folded up in someone's pocket for a while.  
  
He started reading it, and had it literally knocked him back. He had still been on his knees when he started reading it, now he had rocked back to sit squarely on his butt.

Teds,  
I want you to know that I love you. With all my heart and every breath I take. I have ever since Nashville, and I can't imagine ever being without you. If it so happens that you don't end up staying here, I'm following you. However I have to, trade or retirement. I'm sure this action will answer everyone's questions, but I don't care. None of the girls I've been with in the past have ever loved me like you do. I don't see gender when I look at you. I see a person who gets me, understands me, loves me, and honors me. You make me feel like the most important person in the world. I don't need anything else when I'm with you, and you are the only person I ever want to be with. I love you, now and always.  
Nate

  
It took Teddy several minutes to catch his breath. Nate must have written this during the time that Teddy's contract extension was going into arbitration. The contact talks never made it that far, but at the time, Nate and Teddy had no idea how the contract talks would go.  
  
Teddy could vividly remember the talks that him and Nate had during several late nights on just that subject. Teddy really wanted to stay in Tampa, but what if it couldn't be arranged? What was to become of them if Teddy did go to another team? At the time that they had the conversation, it appeared that Nate had no answers.  
  
Now it appears that he did, he just didn't know how to articulate them. When Teddy did sign with Tampa, Nate must have kept the letter in his pocket and carried it around with him. It looked worn, was he carrying it around every day? Was he still intending on giving it to him? Did he even still mean the words that he had written not that long ago?

Teddy wanted to know the answers to all these questions, yet at the same time, he didn't. He had a feeling that the answers would make his next course of action all the more difficult to carry out. It was already difficult enough for him to decide that he was going to request to be traded, finding the letter just made it even more so.

  
  
                                                                                                   -X-  
  
  
It was the morning about a week after Teddy found the note, two weeks after Nate had left him. Nate was in a place he had been spending a lot of time in lately, the practice facility in Brandon. It distracted him and took his mind off of what was going on. A few other guys from the team decided to practice that day as well. Vinny, Marty, Stamkos and Roli all took to the ice a few minutes after Nate did. They ran through the practice drills and started to file off the ice. Vinny was still on the ice, and had stayed behind on purpose because he knew Nate was still on the ice.

  
"Hey Assassin, you got a minute?" Vinny asked as he skated over to Nate. Nate was sure it was his distracted and messy play that Vinny wanted to talk about.

"Of course, what's up?" Nate asked as his heart started racing. Nate knew he needed to do better on the ice, but hearing the team's Captain and a good friend say so was never an enjoyable experience.

"I had a talk with Yzerman today, and well...there really is no easy way to say this..." Vinny started.

_Oh shit, it's worse than I thought,_  Nate thought.

"Look, I know I need to step it up-" Nate said before being cut off by Vinny. 

"Teddy has requested to be traded. Stevie said he'd  look into it for him, but I don't think he intended to look that hard. The problem is, Shea Weber really wants out of his contract in Nashville and the Predators know we have been looking for a solid Blue Liner...they've already tried contacting Yzerman. I don't pretend to know what's going on with you two or what you're both going through, but whatever it is, I don't think Teddy leaving is the answer. And from a strictly professional standpoint and as the Captain, he's a very valuable member of this team and I think losing him would be detrimental."

Vinny said all this while standing inches away from Nate. He could see Nate fighting back the tears, fighting not to lose it in front of a man he so respected.

"Losing him would be detrimental," Nate said absentmindedly, echoing Vinny's sentiments. Vinny felt it wasn't losing Teddy from the team that Nate was talking about, but from his life.

 

                                                                                                         -X-

 

It was pouring outside when Nate's car pulled up into Teddy's driveway. He sat in the car for a good 5 minutes before reaching for the door handle. Not because of the rain, but because that's how long it took Nate to will himself to move. He got out and ran to the front door. His hands were shaking as he pushed the doorbell. His heart was pounding and his head was ringing. He was drenched, and wasn't sure how much of it was sweat and how much was rain.

The door finally opened and Nate was greeted by a very pale, sick looking Teddy Purcell.

"Nate, what..." Teddy started. 

"Don't leave! Please dear God, Don't leave!" Nate was nearly screaming this and choking on his tears.

"You were right....about everything. I was scared....scared by how much I love you, scared about everyone else, scared that my feelings for you could make me feel anything other than happy. I slept with you that night because I never wanted to let you go, I wanted to hold you one last time, I wanted to be with you. When I said I cared for you, I meant it. What I should have said was I love you, and I should have said it a long time ago." Nate poured out his heart all in one big, unending sentence.

Teddy shut the door in Nate's face leaving Nate confused, yet suspecting he deserved such treatment. He stood there for a few minutes and was about to turn and leave when he decided that he wasn't leaving. He was going to stand here all night if that's what it took. That's how dedicated he was to winning Teddy back. He didn't have to wait long, and was actually about to knock on the door when it opened again. Teddy appeared in the doorway, holding up the letter he found.  
  
"I found this," Teddy said, and it was now Nate's turn to look pale and sick. He stood there shocked, his mouth half open.  
  
"It must have fallen out of my pocket. I meant to give it to you, was just waiting for the right time, and then........." Nate didn't know how to finish that sentence.  
  
"Did you mean it? What you wrote?" Teddy asked, tears creeping their way down his cheeks.  
  
"Every word. Still do. I was ready to give up hockey, my whole life, everything I worked so hard for....to be with you. And that's what scared me. No one.. _no one..._ has ever made me so head over heels that I would give up hockey. Especially......" Nate trailed off.  
  
"Especially not another man," Teddy finished for him. Nate just shrugged his shoulders and cocked  his head to the side.  
  
"Why would you give up hockey?" Teddy asked, already knowing the answer.  
  
"If you didn't sign here and went to another team, and if that team wouldn't take me, I was going to retire."   
  
"I don't think Roli would like it if you retired before him. He might get mad, and you know what happens when goalies get mad, they break their sticks on the cross bars, throw milk crates...." Teddy joked.  
  
"I'm serious....." Nate said pouting.  
  
"I'm sorry, but I have a hard time believing you when you did that to me. When you left me like that," Teddy said before throwing a pout of his own.  
  
"I'm so sorry for what I did, and I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I love you more than anything, and I would give up everything.....EVERYTHING for you to be by my side. It's that realization that scared me. No one has ever made me feel like this, and I didn't know how to handle it," Nate stood there pouring his heart out, and getting poured on. He was more sure of this than anything he has ever been in his life.    
  
Teddy started talking with what little strength he has left. "You realize people will probably say things, you might be labeled, and it won't be easy."  
  
"I'm ok with it. With all of it," Nate said.  
  
"I love you so much that the thought of being around you without being WITH you was more than I could handle, and I thought the only answer was to be somewhere else. I thought running away was the only option," Teddy said between sobs.  
  
"I wouldn't be able to go on if that happened," Nate said, fighting back his own tears.  
  
"Come in, you're getting soaked," Teddy said and as far as Nate was concerned, it wasn't a moment to soon.  
  
  
  
                                                                                                        -X-  
  
  
  
"God, you need to get out of those clothes, you're drenched," Teddy said while going to the bathroom to get a towel for Nate. Teddy returned with the towel and Nate reached out for it but Teddy wasn't extending it towards him.

"Come and get it," Teddy said smiling for the first time in weeks, and it felt good.  
  
Nate stood his ground, reaching out for the towel. Teddy let out an exasperated sigh and walked towards Nate to hand him the towel. Nate took hold of the towel and pulled, using it to pull Teddy closer to him until their noses were touching.  
  
"I love you, and I missed you," Nate said around a smile.  
  
"Love you. Missed you," Teddy said before pulling Nate closer and eagerly pressing his lips to his.  
  
"The clothes?" Nate asked, referring to the fact that he was still standing there as wet as if he had taken a shower in his clothes. Teddy reached down to the hem of his shirt and lifted it up over his head and started to kiss Nate's bare chest as he did. Next was the pants, and they were difficult as wet denim usually is. Nate was standing there in nothing but his boxers, which were soon discarded to the floor by Teddy's hands. Teddy's lips were again on Nate's when Nate decided to take some action, and he reached down to feel Teddy through his pajama pants.  
  
"A little excited, are we?" Nate playfully asked, his face inches away from Teddy's.  
  
"Like you have any room to judge, there's no hiding yours," Teddy joked back to the man who was now standing completely naked in his kitchen.  
  
Teddy hopped up on the kitchen counter and pulled Nate to him. He wrapped his legs around Nate's waist and dug his heels into Nate's ass. His arms went around his neck and pulled him closer for another kiss. They both were in full sensory overload, any movement caused a moan to escape. Nate wrapped his arms around Teddy's waist picked him up off the counter and carried him to the bedroom.  
  
  
                                                                                                 -X-  
    
  
It was 6am on a Monday morning, and the sun was streaming through the windows and right into Teddy's eyes, waking him up. He rolled over to face away from the sun and discovered he was alone in bed. The place where Nate had usually slept, they same place he had crashed last night after their passionate reconnection, was empty. Teddy's heart started to race.

 _"God, not again,"_  Teddy thought, and that's when he noticed a letter on Nate's pillow. He sat up to see that it was the same letter that he had found under the bed, the one that Nate had written.  
  
"I want you to keep that, it's my promise to you," Nate's voice said from the doorway.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere," Teddy said referring to his recent trade request.   
  
Nate smiled and said "Neither am I."


End file.
